Saturday, October 25, 2008

Another funny thing from my pregnancy journal

I haven't read this since I have had children. I am grateful we haven't been through anything like this... yet.

For those with No children- this is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control!

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a
Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can,
to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few
times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already
too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-
year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still
can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not
like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three
Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the
first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his
home. She read,"..And so the pig went up to the man with the
wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have
some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked
the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy
raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy crap! A talking
pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake

Monday, October 20, 2008

16 week ultrasound

Well I convinced my dr to do an ultrasound today
.It's either a boy with tiny parts or a girl with big parts. Totally inconclusive. The baby cooperated just right, I don't think he/she ever even moved, just gave us a great shot of it's genitals. But we couldn't decide what those genitals were. It kind of looked like labia, but with a pretty big clitoris. So I guess I'll need to get another u/s next week and see. I told my doctor I needed a %, so he said 60% girl. But he wouldn't go higher than that. I'm glad at least that there is a higher % of girl than boy. But unfortunately, I going to have to muster up some more patience. What do you think it is?

Friday, October 17, 2008

You want more?

You liked that last post? I'll give you more. I have a few more great things in my pregnancy journal, I'll share them all. This one for some reason makes me cry. Let me know if it does the same for you. Maybe I'm just weird. It was written by Vanessa Sands to her unborn child, and I think it is just beautiful. Next time I'll post another funny one, but I hope you enjoy this.

"I sit here tonight with my journal propped up on my amazingly protruding abdomen, smiling to myself as you frequently make writing difficult with your rolling and kicking. You are my fourth child, the one I thought I'd never have until I felt you call me in my dreams. And you are, with all the certainty we can have about these things, the last. With you, I feel we have rounded up all the little souls destined to compose our family. With you, I feel complete. Yet, I know with the same certainty that I will miss this sense of expectancy, these quiet hours just before a dawn that will change all of our lives forever.

My childbearing years have been a wonderful, magical, although sometimes difficult journey through the strengths and weaknesses of my body and soul. In my lengthy, difficult labors I've found strength I did not know I possessed, courage I did not know I'd need, faith I did not know existed. I have never been able to deliver a baby naturally; despite my most fervent efforts, your brother and sisters have all been born surgically. I will tell you and them, often, that this is not the way we are meant to give birth, and that I loved you enough to exhaust all the possibilities before agreeing to schedule a fourth cesarean.

And that happens in just a few short hours. Soon, Daddy and I will grab a blue canvas bag that holds, among other things, a tiny sleeper and an impossibly little blue hooded sweater. These are the clothes I will first dress you in, other than bleached hospital cottons; these are the clothes into which I will put you, the gleefully kicking, punching soon-to-be-newborn, for your trip home. A surreal concept for me now, here in the moonlight.
But first, you have another trip to make. A journey from warmth and water to bright lights and cold -- ending finally in the security of my arms and the warmth at my breast.

No longer mine alone
I know we should be resting; it's after midnight. But I can't bring myself to sleep away these last few hours of magic. I don't want to miss one sudden lurch or slow turn inside. I don't want to while away our last few hours of aloneness in sleep. Come morning, you will never be just mine again. Come morning, I will never be this full of life, this sparkling with possibility, again.
By an hour ago, I'd done all the tasks assigned me in the hospital literature. Ate a good meal, stopped eating and drinking at midnight, packed all the necessities. Only one thing remained: a good, long shower, my last for a couple days until the catheter is removed and I'm again steady on my feet. Relaxed and warm, I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off. It was then that I caught my reflection in the full length mirror of the shower doors.
How ripe I appeared -- how full and hopeful. My body looked to me like the tree buds just outside the window, on the verge of bloom. As I ran my hands across my vein-laced abdomen, I knew with certainty how very much I'd miss this silhouette, this fullness that signals to the world that I am accomplishing, from a biological perspective, what I came here for. I stood in awe at my no-longer- perky breasts, amazed that in just a few hours they would again sustain that life so very persistent in its movements tonight. I stared into my face, rounder and ruddier than usual, and saw something at once powerful and soft that has eluded my perception before.
The pregnant body is so often the subject of jokes and chiding -- I have laughed often and well over it, I admit. But not tonight. After four pregnancies and alone with my thoughts, I finally see this ridiculous hugeness as what it is: bordering on the miraculous... The one true thing that connects me with my mother, her mother, the mother before her. They are gone, but this rite we share brings us together in a way defying words. Those women gave me life that I am now blessed to share. I find myself wondering tonight why we berate ourselves for every pound gained, for every curve disappearing or reappearing in another place, for every amazing change that happens as without volition as a heartbeat.
No, instead of laughing at my proportions this evening -- or criticizing my body's stubborn refusal to open -- I finally appreciate my own body and its capacity to produce life. This is your gift to me.
So I'll not complain in these, the last of our hours together like this, if I cannot get comfortable or stop the heartburn or refrain from one more trip to the bathroom. I'll treasure it all, store it away in the hope chest of my mind, and pull it all out for you when you want to know. I have so cherished giving up my body for you, and for your siblings. I would do it time and time again if circumstances were different.

Your day
But tomorrow is you -- you will join us tomorrow and make us whole. You will either finally satisfy the yearning that began with the first subconscious flushes of adolescence or deepen it with your first look into my eyes.
So this is a passing, then, from one stage of my life into another. The seeds have been sown, and now I must nurture your growth -- until one day you produce seeds of your own, and the circle is complete. How wonderful the plan of life is; how joyful in its manifestation! I must remember, and you will teach me, that every stage has its merits, that time does pass and seasons change.
I must stop writing now. My arms ache with both the yearning to hold you and the desire to contain you within. Now starts the first, most heartbreaking lesson of parenting, learned anew with every newborn child: to love completely, we must first let go. So it begins again today, May third: your birthday.
Good morning, son."

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Funny Pregnancy Q&A

I found this in my journal from my first pregnancy. I have no idea where I found it then, but it is pretty funny.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
A. Your therapist.

Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well. Is this true?
A. The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.

Q. Since I became pregnant, My breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. Because you're fatter then they are.

Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?
A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves.

Q. What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out your pregnant.

Q. I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position?
A. Authorized personnel only---doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.

Q. Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

Q. What is the grasp reflex?
A. The reaction of new father's when he sees new mother's breasts.

Q. Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A. Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.

Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?
A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global chemical warfare.

Q. What causes baby blues?
A. Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos.

Q. What is colic?
A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Intelligender Update

The winner of the Intelligender test took the test today. She already knew that she was having a boy, and the test agreed! So the test was accurate for her, if only it can be accurate for me.....I'll know for sure in a few weeks. I certainly hope it is!


One of our readers submitted the great list of website links.... Thanks Tina!

Natural Birth

Home Birth
IS Homebirth For You?: 6 Myths About Childbirth Exposed
Homebirth – Safety and Benefits
The Homebirth Choice

Childbirth Preparation Courses

Unassisted Birth

Birth Centers

Cesaren and VBAC

Water Birth


Monday, October 6, 2008

Baby Steals

I have been watching this website They post one deal per day. So far I haven't seen anything that I wanted, until today. I bought the Halo Sleep Sack Swaddler. I have always wanted one of these, and this was a great price. They keep the baby warm, and keep their arms trapped next to them. I always swaddle my babies, so I love this concept. Mine is actually the green one, assuming I'll probably have a boy, but could be used for all babies. They are all sold out today, but check it out every day after 9:00 am when they post a new "steal."

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Pregnancy Post- What does my baby look like?

This site is so cool! It has lots of great things, but my favorite are these movies. They show you actual videos of what the baby looks like in different stages of pregnancy.